Got a call today at 12:25 that my Dad died of a massive heart attack. Wow. Did not see that coming. I feel as if my heart is broke. I am going to wake up from this bad dream. I talked to him on his birthday 3/6 via facetime. He got to see the card that Hannah made him. He also got to see Jacob acting a fool. He got my gift card. It was a good day. and he had a good Birthday.
This sucks in a MAJOR way. I am lost. I don't know what to feel, do or think. I am tired. but I don't want to sleep. I feel that if I sleep that when I wake up it is going to be too real.
Permanently sad.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Changing this blog.. and using it
In Oct. I was given the great news that I have Lupus.
What the heck!
I mean seriously. All I could think of what. I have young kids. I don't want to die on them and they forget me. I want to dance with the kids on there weddings and see their babies. I want to be there for them! So Halloween 2011 my world crashed.
The Dr said that it appears to be mild. ( maybe good news?) But started me on Plaquinil (sp), and Ibuprofen 600 for pain.
Anyway this is where I am at today..
Wow what a day! I am not happy with Lupus right now. So much I don't understand and maybe don't want to understand. Just had an appointment with Rumy yesterday. She is starting me on Prednisone. She is using it as a bridge to Methatexate. (since I am still trying to wean Jacob) She keeps on asking if I am getting a fever. Sometimes maybe I guess not really I mean it is so random may be once a month if the weather changes...or if I have pain when I breath (gosh I hope I don't ever!) I am afraid to cough. Every time I feel an itch or a twinge of pain I wonder if I going to wake up with a rash. I mean this really sucks! This day has given me a headache.. lol! I really thought that the Plaquinel was doing its thing I mean my pain level improved but my blood work did not reflect that ( that is where I don't understand)... oh my head is spinning!
Well thanks for letting me rant this out.
What the heck!
I mean seriously. All I could think of what. I have young kids. I don't want to die on them and they forget me. I want to dance with the kids on there weddings and see their babies. I want to be there for them! So Halloween 2011 my world crashed.
The Dr said that it appears to be mild. ( maybe good news?) But started me on Plaquinil (sp), and Ibuprofen 600 for pain.
Anyway this is where I am at today..
Wow what a day! I am not happy with Lupus right now. So much I don't understand and maybe don't want to understand. Just had an appointment with Rumy yesterday. She is starting me on Prednisone. She is using it as a bridge to Methatexate. (since I am still trying to wean Jacob) She keeps on asking if I am getting a fever. Sometimes maybe I guess not really I mean it is so random may be once a month if the weather changes...or if I have pain when I breath (gosh I hope I don't ever!) I am afraid to cough. Every time I feel an itch or a twinge of pain I wonder if I going to wake up with a rash. I mean this really sucks! This day has given me a headache.. lol! I really thought that the Plaquinel was doing its thing I mean my pain level improved but my blood work did not reflect that ( that is where I don't understand)... oh my head is spinning!
Well thanks for letting me rant this out.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, July 27, 2009
A 7 hour tour!
Wednesday Hannah and I went to the Dr's appt. Dr was running 1:45 min late... it was like 80 in the waiting room and it was filled to the max with pregnant people and friends etc. When it is finally my turn, they nurse yet again gets a high blood pressure. 130/110 (which from what i heard later should of been re-taken cause the numbers are too close together to be accurate) I am sick of worring about it! So we waited about 40 min in the exam room.. my poor daughter I thought she was going to tell the Dr. to come in cause she was hungry and wanted to leave, after all she is 3... lol . So Dr. come in.. I mention that the last U/S said that the baby was 5lbs.7oz.. he said yes he is a big boy.. he has a few more oz now... Big is he crazy? how is something under 6lbs big? So we get on with the strep b test and an inturnal.. not sure what the finding of that was, I forgot to ask. But we are waiting till next week to schedule the C-section.
So I asked about the Blood Pressure, and if that is why I was feeling werid and shaky.. he said your blood pressure is fine, looked at it and then was like, um you need to go to the hospital for a Tox pannel blood test. Go now.. do you have someone that can meet you there to watch your daughter? I was like "say what?" Then i was like I need to feed my daughter and my self if you taken blood. Which was okay... so shaking even more we went for a fast trip to B.K. for hannah she requested Mac and cheese and a burger for me. Trying not to freak out, I called Jose to see if his mom would meet me at the hospital to get hannah .. but he freaked and met me there too. ( what a sweetie)
In Triage, all hooked up to moniters, B/P 135/70 the nurse was like jeeze i hope this was not just a bad reading that they did.. (seriously) Yeah so the Dr also wanted a urine sample, straight from the source meaning Catheter... OUch! Seriously! So the Blood pressure readings the 3 that they took all normal... the last one being 128/58. Kinda cooll cause jose and i got to listen to the baby's heart beat for 3 hours ( sleepy time) two of the nurses that came in were ones that I had when I delivered hannah. My Labor Nurse remembered me. I did find out that I was having some Contractions... Which I knew cause I have been getting Braxton hicks... I was surprised to find out how many I was really having...
The final out come was ... UTI, and Dehydration.
Glad that all the catheter pain was for something... but the 7 hours with all the wait time at the Dr office and hospital I could of done with out. But I guess that my symptoms for the infection was hot hands and having a werid feeling in my arms.. no other symptoms... but the nurse said it explained it. Okay...
So more to come next week.
So I asked about the Blood Pressure, and if that is why I was feeling werid and shaky.. he said your blood pressure is fine, looked at it and then was like, um you need to go to the hospital for a Tox pannel blood test. Go now.. do you have someone that can meet you there to watch your daughter? I was like "say what?" Then i was like I need to feed my daughter and my self if you taken blood. Which was okay... so shaking even more we went for a fast trip to B.K. for hannah she requested Mac and cheese and a burger for me. Trying not to freak out, I called Jose to see if his mom would meet me at the hospital to get hannah .. but he freaked and met me there too. ( what a sweetie)
In Triage, all hooked up to moniters, B/P 135/70 the nurse was like jeeze i hope this was not just a bad reading that they did.. (seriously) Yeah so the Dr also wanted a urine sample, straight from the source meaning Catheter... OUch! Seriously! So the Blood pressure readings the 3 that they took all normal... the last one being 128/58. Kinda cooll cause jose and i got to listen to the baby's heart beat for 3 hours ( sleepy time) two of the nurses that came in were ones that I had when I delivered hannah. My Labor Nurse remembered me. I did find out that I was having some Contractions... Which I knew cause I have been getting Braxton hicks... I was surprised to find out how many I was really having...
The final out come was ... UTI, and Dehydration.
Glad that all the catheter pain was for something... but the 7 hours with all the wait time at the Dr office and hospital I could of done with out. But I guess that my symptoms for the infection was hot hands and having a werid feeling in my arms.. no other symptoms... but the nurse said it explained it. Okay...
So more to come next week.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Oh I forgot...
The Pancake craving.... never in my life have I wanted Pancakes so darn bad..Plain, nothing on them, but If I had the chance I would eat them for every meal. So Pancakes, Corn and Coke. This kid is going to be strange.
Let me out!
Wow this little guy.. who the U/S tech says weighs about 5lb 7oz already.. is moving up a storm. He can not get comfy... first it is butt to the right... then center... then right ...then a spinning move to the left, then back again to the right. At night while I am asleep he shoves his foot in my rib. He moves so much it is crazy to watch! Hannah did not move this much.. I think once or twice did she ever make my whole tummy move.
The cats have taken to babysitting me during the day. Especially if I have been at work, as soon as I am home if I sit on the bed they guard me... do they know something?
So after weeks of me asking when I am supposed to get my medical U/S, you know the one that they give at 26 weeks... the midwife that works at the Dr office, finally said.. hey you did not get this and had me wait for there in house U/S Tech.. I got some good images of the little guy who was laying transverse at the time, but has since moved down... but will he stay?
Next weeks appointment we are setting the C-section date. Not that I mind the C-section... but I kinda feel like I lost out on the whole going in to labor, driving to the hospital thing. With Hannah I was induced, which I swear was why I had to have the C-section to begin with, and with this one he is just scheduled in. Weird...wonder if he will decide to come early?
Food cravings as of this pregnancy... Steak, Corn, Cheese, Frozen Coke, Crab and Watermelon. Corn and Coke take the lead.
Weird Nesting things... Crafts and baking.. I actually made Banana Bread from scratch and Brownies from a box... that was in one day. Also this pregnancy I have made Apple pie from scratch, and oatmeal cookies. I think tomorrow I am going to make Watermelon Ice. I have been on a mean mission for crafty stuff. making necklaces, crocheting, sewing among other things... but it comes and goes. It is the compulsion that is weird... almost like it has got to get done.
I also just started to feel the whole cleaning nesting thing... that was kicking in last night when I decided that the bathroom need to be clean. to day it was the kitchen table, OI!
The cats have taken to babysitting me during the day. Especially if I have been at work, as soon as I am home if I sit on the bed they guard me... do they know something?
So after weeks of me asking when I am supposed to get my medical U/S, you know the one that they give at 26 weeks... the midwife that works at the Dr office, finally said.. hey you did not get this and had me wait for there in house U/S Tech.. I got some good images of the little guy who was laying transverse at the time, but has since moved down... but will he stay?
Next weeks appointment we are setting the C-section date. Not that I mind the C-section... but I kinda feel like I lost out on the whole going in to labor, driving to the hospital thing. With Hannah I was induced, which I swear was why I had to have the C-section to begin with, and with this one he is just scheduled in. Weird...wonder if he will decide to come early?
Food cravings as of this pregnancy... Steak, Corn, Cheese, Frozen Coke, Crab and Watermelon. Corn and Coke take the lead.
Weird Nesting things... Crafts and baking.. I actually made Banana Bread from scratch and Brownies from a box... that was in one day. Also this pregnancy I have made Apple pie from scratch, and oatmeal cookies. I think tomorrow I am going to make Watermelon Ice. I have been on a mean mission for crafty stuff. making necklaces, crocheting, sewing among other things... but it comes and goes. It is the compulsion that is weird... almost like it has got to get done.
I also just started to feel the whole cleaning nesting thing... that was kicking in last night when I decided that the bathroom need to be clean. to day it was the kitchen table, OI!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Photo
It has been a few weeks since I went to the DR. Yes I finally broke down and just went. AIM is full of shit. But that is another story.
Jose, Hannah and I went to the DR on the 18 of Feb. The nurse tried to take my blood pressure with an electric machine.. those never work on me. It said that my BP was 169/80. I told her that there was no way that was right. She did the regular old fashioned way and that one added up to 142/something... but still that is way high for me. I am usually 119/something. I am chalking it up to I hate mornings and it was 8:30, I was nervous. So that had to be it.
The Dr seems to cough a lot and clear his throat a lot as well. But he was nice. He did a trans vag. Ultrasound and we got to see the baby's heart beating (Hannah and Jose saw this too!), along with the spine. We got a quick glance at the face, then the DR said that we would get a better shot with the external ultra sound.. so we tried that. You know what we saw. a Head. The top of the head to be honest. So the first ultra sound photo the little baby looks like a walnut!
We go back March 18th. Wonder what we get then??
So on to AIM. So the first time I applied they told me that I did not qualify cause I did not make enough money, they did not include Jose. So after resending them a Birth Cert. Saying that Jose was indeed Hannah's daddy, waiting another 15 days, we still get regected. What sucks is that Cali is saying that they are out of money. I am willing to Pay the cost for AIM. but they want me to go through medi-cal. Where I pay nothing. Go Figure. Please tell me someone, how and why this makes since to them? I am willing to pay. Jose's health insurance does not kick in to May. We were hoping that it was sooner... but well what ever. I wanted to avoid Medi-cal. That is why I wanted to try AIM. But that seemed like a waist of time. I could of started my Prenatal visits sooner if i did not wait for them. Grr. In a few days after I am sure I will not yell at them I will and find out why this time I did not make enough money.
Jose, Hannah and I went to the DR on the 18 of Feb. The nurse tried to take my blood pressure with an electric machine.. those never work on me. It said that my BP was 169/80. I told her that there was no way that was right. She did the regular old fashioned way and that one added up to 142/something... but still that is way high for me. I am usually 119/something. I am chalking it up to I hate mornings and it was 8:30, I was nervous. So that had to be it.
The Dr seems to cough a lot and clear his throat a lot as well. But he was nice. He did a trans vag. Ultrasound and we got to see the baby's heart beating (Hannah and Jose saw this too!), along with the spine. We got a quick glance at the face, then the DR said that we would get a better shot with the external ultra sound.. so we tried that. You know what we saw. a Head. The top of the head to be honest. So the first ultra sound photo the little baby looks like a walnut!
We go back March 18th. Wonder what we get then??
So on to AIM. So the first time I applied they told me that I did not qualify cause I did not make enough money, they did not include Jose. So after resending them a Birth Cert. Saying that Jose was indeed Hannah's daddy, waiting another 15 days, we still get regected. What sucks is that Cali is saying that they are out of money. I am willing to Pay the cost for AIM. but they want me to go through medi-cal. Where I pay nothing. Go Figure. Please tell me someone, how and why this makes since to them? I am willing to pay. Jose's health insurance does not kick in to May. We were hoping that it was sooner... but well what ever. I wanted to avoid Medi-cal. That is why I wanted to try AIM. But that seemed like a waist of time. I could of started my Prenatal visits sooner if i did not wait for them. Grr. In a few days after I am sure I will not yell at them I will and find out why this time I did not make enough money.
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